


the light can get in

by nevermindthewind



Series: as long as there are stars above you [5]
Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: F/M, Labor/Birth, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-08 23:59:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11092638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nevermindthewind/pseuds/nevermindthewind
Summary: Laurel was many things, but early was never one of them.Which is why when she woke up to cramping at 3:00 am three weeks before her due date, the fact that she could actually be in labor didn’t even cross her mind.





	the light can get in

**Author's Note:**

> 1) Surprise! One last fic before I leave because I've been stuck on trains and buses all weekend. 
> 
> 2) But for real, now this is my last fic until August as I leave for Uganda in two days (!!!!)
> 
> 3) The title is based on a very long quote that I really love from Paper Towns by John Green (I know, John Green, but the quote is lovely). it's all about how you see through people's vulnerability. 
> 
> 4) This is out of order for the other fics in this series but I just really wanted to write their birth story in this universe.
> 
> 5) All editing done by me, sorry for any mistakes!

_37 weeks, 2 days._

Laurel was many things, but early was never one of them.  Since she was a little girl she was always the last one out of bed and throughout college she had a strict no class before 10 am rule.  She was never on time to meetings or dates.  Even her period was always a day or two late. It wasn’t out of disrespect or flightiness (well maybe a little flightiness). It was just simply part of her nature.

Which is why when she woke up to cramping at 3:00 am three weeks before her due date, the fact that she could actually be in labor didn’t even cross her mind.

This didn’t really feel like labor.  It didn’t hurt, not exactly; it was more annoying than anything. The discomfort was mostly in her back…and in the lack of sleep.

Besides, she would know if she was going into labor, right?

Eventually she tried to go back to sleep, writing the feeling off as Braxton-Hicks. But every time she’d put in the effort to roll over, change position, and begin to drift off, the cramping would return like clockwork.

Clockwork.

_Shit._

She should be timing these. Just to be safe.

Dr. Nelson had warned her that many first time moms didn’t deliver until a couple days after their due date.  Knowing her body she had assumed she’d fall into that camp.  But as she timed the contractions and realized they were exactly 12 minutes apart, Laurel started to think her daughter might be more like her father. Her father who was still sound asleep, oblivious to Laurel’s restlessness.  

Laurel thought about waking Wes up, but she didn’t want to wake him until she was absolutely sure.  She knew he’d want to be there for her, but she also knew that as soon as she told him it’d be real. And she wasn’t ready for that just yet.

However after rereading the section on labor in her pregnancy book and consulting the Internet and going through a particularly painful contraction, after another hour Laurel had to admit it.

She was in labor.

It was time to call in reinforcements.

“Wes,” she whispered as she poked his shoulder. Nothing. She poked him again and, again, he didn’t move.

“Weswesweswesweswes,” she repeated, poking him repeatedly until he finally rolled over.

“What is it?” he murmured, still not opening his eyes. She sighed, rolling her eyes.

“I think I’m in labor,” she said pointedly. He raised his head and opened his eyes, confused.

“Wait what?”

“The baby. It’s coming.”

That did it.

He popped up, wiping sleep from his eyes.

“Are you sure?”

Laurel nodded, “Pretty sure.  I’ve been timing everything and my contractions are now 10 minutes apart. Like exactly.”

“But your due date is still, what, three weeks away?” he said, his tired brain taking forever to put two and two together.

Laurel opened her mouth to answer, but just then another contraction started and took her breath away.  She bit her lip as her hands immediately went to her lower back, attempting to alleviate some of the pressure.

Wes’ eyes widened.

“Shit you’re serious.”

Laurel let out a tiny laugh and nodded as she tried to breathe.

“What can I do?” he asked, immediately wanting to help.

“My back,” she exhaled.  Wes quickly moved so he was sitting behind her and began kneading his thumbs into her lower back.  Once he took over he felt Laurel relax the tiniest bit, her breathing becoming more and more regular as she rode out the contraction.

 

As soon as it was over Laurel leaned into him, taking his hands into hers and wrapping them around her giant belly.

“We get to meet our baby today,” he murmured in her ear, his eyes sparkling. She squeezed his hands.

“Poor kid’s not gonna know what hit ‘em,” she joked back.

“Please, with you as her mama? This kid’s gonna realize she hit the jackpot pretty quick,” he replied, kissing the back of her head. Laurel smiled, but her eyes were still full of anxiety.

_God, I hope so._

–

“Well it’s official,” Laurel said as she hung up with her OB. “I’m in early labor.”

Wes popped his head into the bathroom doorway.

“And everything’s ok?” he asked quickly, his toothbrush still in his mouth.

“Yeah, she said 37 weeks is uncommon for your first kid but completely safe and that some babies are just ready earlier than others. But– ”

“Ha! Takes after her dad,” Wes interjected with a smirk.

“But,” she said again, raising her eyebrows playfully, “She said we don’t need to go in until the contractions are five minutes apart or my water breaks. So we have time.”

Wes finished up in the bathroom and then made his way back to the bed.

“Okay good,” he said, scratching the base of his neck. “So now what do we do?”

Laurel shrugged.

“We wait, I guess. Ride it out.”

He nodded, taking her hand into his.

“What do you wanna do?” he asked.

“Right now? I think– “ but once again she was cut off by a contraction. She inhaled sharply as her muscles began to harden.  

And once again Wes jumped into action, kneading her back and reminding her to breathe.

–

They spent the morning in a weird state of limbo.  For the most part it was like any other summer morning.  Laurel stayed in bed, not having any desire to move as the contractions slowly got closer together and more painful, while Wes called into his internship to take the day off, only to have his call go straight to voicemail.

“That’s weird,” he commented as he hung up.

“What?”

“My office is closed,” he clicked his phone to check the time and that’s when he noticed.

“It’s the Fourth of July,” he said with a laugh. “Did you know that?”

“No!”  she exclaimed, checking her own phone in disbelief. Sure enough, he was right. She giggled. “Who’dve thought our immigrant baby would choose to be born on the most obnoxiously American holiday?”

“I know,” Wes chuckled.  “Now we’re officially living the American dream.”

Laurel smiled as she shifted in bed, trying in vain to find a better position. After a couple minutes she let out a huff of defeat.

“I think I need to get up and walk around,” she said as she attempted to roll herself into an upright position.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, now that she’s awake and kicking up a storm there’s no way I can get comfortable laying down.”

So Wes came around, helped her out of bed and together they walked. The walked lap after lap around the apartment, always being sure to stop at the table when she felt a contraction begin.  She’d lean over the table, letting her belly hang beneath her as Wes rubbed her back and gently encouraged her.  

Laurel never would’ve expected it, but those hours they spent walking through the apartment proved to be some of the most romantic moments of their relationship. It was incredibly intimate, the way he’d hold her through each contraction. He was so attentive, understanding just when she needed him to hold her and what to say to keep her relaxed.  And in turn she learned to lean on him, trusting that he would be there to fall back to. He was grounding her, and that was no easy task in a time where she could easily begin freaking out at any moment.  

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to have the baby, because she did. She wanted this baby so much it hurt.  As soon as she saw her in that first ultrasound, Laurel had loved that baby more than anything.

No, what terrified her was the fact that sometime in the next few hours there was going to be a person in this world who was her responsibility, who would depend on her for everything.  And Laurel was absolutely petrified of fucking that up.  

–

Around noon her contractions were consistently five minutes apart, and at 12:05 her water broke, meaning it was time to head to the hospital.

It was only a 15 minute drive and, normally, 15 minutes in Philly was a breeze. But when your body was threatening to rip itself apart every five minutes and you had to stay in one very uncomfortable position the whole time?

Yeah, 15 minutes might as well be 15 years.

In contrast, by the time they got to the hospital everything seemed to be moving in hyper speed. The contractions were longer, closer together, and already ten times more intense than they had been when they left.  It was all Laurel could do to keep from crying out in the middle of the waiting room. Upon seeing Laurel double over and clutch Wes’ hand in pain a nurse immediately brought over a wheelchair and checked them in, leading them to a room on the third floor.

As soon as the nurse left Laurel vomited.

“This,” she panted, “is terrible.”

“I know,” he said gently. “But you’re doing amazing.”

“No I’m not,” she replied, shaking her head as she wiped the sick from her mouth. “I just threw up, pretty sure that’s the opposite of amazing.”

“Laurel. You’re literally pushing a human out of your body. Trust me, you’re fucking incredible.”

She just gave him a small smile.

–

Half an hour later Dr. Nelson came in to check her.

“Already eight centimeters,” she said as she took off her gloves. “Baby should be here in a couple hours.”

Wes squeezed Laurel’s hand, excitement in his eyes.  Laurel, however, had only one thing on her mind.

“So am I able to get an epidural or something now?” she asked, a hint of desperation in her voice.

The doctor gave her a sympathetic smile.

“Unfortunately you’re too close to delivery for me to feel comfortable giving you an epidural.  I’m really sorry.”

“You’re kidding,” said Laurel, looking from Wes to Dr. Nelson with tears in her eyes. “But it’s in the birth plan. You said I could have an epidural.”

“I know, but those plans change,” she explained.  “If we gave it to you now it would be too strong and you wouldn’t be able to push.  It’s safer for you and the baby and that’s what matters to us.” She patted Laurel’s leg warmly and stood up to leave.

Laurel just nodded, unable to speak as a new wave of anxiety washed over her.  Sure, women give birth without pain meds all the time, but she’d been counting on that epidural.  This whole time she kept thinking that all she had to do was just get to the hospital and then there’d be some relief.  She hadn’t even thought about having the baby without it. Now here she was about to push a baby, an actual live human, out of her body.  Without any help.

And that was when, for the first time in 11 hours, Laurel started to cry.

“Hey,” said Wes gently, running his hand down the side of her face. “It’s gonna be okay.”

But of course as soon as he said that another contraction hit.  

Up until that point Laurel had been pretty vocal during contractions; she was definitely not afraid to yell or groan or make whatever other noises she needed to make to get the contraction to pass. Occasionally during a particularly rough contraction she’d start yelling strings of profanities, both in English and Spanish. She also was not afraid to take out her emotions on Wes, so by now he was used to her different, well, sounds.

But during that contraction Laurel only let out the tiniest whimper. Tears continued to roll down her face, but her eyes were also filled with something Wes had hardly ever seen on her face: fear.

Even though it was the quietest she’d been all day, it was that little noise that scared Wes the most.  

“I’ve got you,” he murmured, taking her hand and rubbing tiny circles with his thumb as she squeezed. “You’re okay. I love you. You’re okay.”

“It hurts,” she whispered, her voice small, broken.  

“I know. I’m so sorry,” he replied, his voice full of sympathy. “You’re doing so well, though. You’re so freaking strong.”

“I’m not,” she said, gulping in air as the contraction built. Her whole body seemed to be at war with itself and all she wanted to do was surrender.

“You are,” he countered gently. “I know it’s overwhelming and it hurts like hell but there isn’t a doubt in my mind that you can do this.  You can do this.”

He repeated a string of encouragements until finally the pain faded away, giving her a moment’s reprise.  She was quiet for a minute, but then,

“Wes?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m really scared.”

She looked up at him and as brown eyes met blue Wes knew she was talking about more than just the lack of pain meds.

“I know,” he nodded. “But you and me, we’re gonna figure everything out, ok? I’ll be right here the entire time.”

“You’re not gonna leave?” she asked, vulnerability seeping through her voice. It was such a simple question, but to Laurel, who had been left behind more times than she could count, it was everything.

“No, I’m not gonna leave,” Wes replied, his voice gentle, yet steady. He leaned over and softly kissed her temple. “I’m afraid you’re stuck with me.”

And for the first time since she could remember, when someone told her they weren’t going to leave, she believed them.

–

Josefina Rose Gibbins-Castillo came into the world two hours later, crying right along with her parents. She was tiny, pink, and perfect.

A nurse placed her on Laurel’s chest. Wes cut the cord.

Laurel was sweaty and exhausted, but the minute they placed Josie on her chest all of that was immediately forgotten.

“Hey peanut,” she whispered as she ran her hand over Josie’s tuft of dark hair.

“I’m so glad you’re here.”

–

Laurel woke up to see Wes facing away from her talking to the baby, who was swaddled up in his arms.

“I’m not gonna lie, I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing when it comes to babies. I’ve never even held a baby before, at least that I can remember. But luckily we’ve got your mama. She’s amazing, your mom. She’s patient and smart and she loves you so much. And for some reason she loves me too.”

Laurel’s heart felt like it was about to explode listening to Wes interact with their daughter. She’d never had a good example of what love was, but now she had two standing right in front of her. She loved them so much it almost scared her.

“The three of us, we’re gonna have so much fun,” Wes continued. “Maybe we can go to the zoo! My mom took me to the zoo when I was a kid. It was my favorite. I always liked the monkeys best. I wonder what your favorite animal will be?”

“My favorites were the zebras,” Laurel interjected quietly, a sleepy smile on her face. Wes turned his head, smiling apologetically.

“Did I wake you up?”

Laurel shook her head, still laying back against her pillow.

“Let me see her,” she said, reaching her hands out towards Wes. It sounded silly, but even though she’d only been asleep for a couple hours, she actually _missed_ Josie. She needed to see her, needed to remind herself that she was real.

Wes walked over and placed Josie in Laurel’s outstretched arms.

“God, she’s perfect,” she said as she studied her daughter’s sleeping face. “She’s got your nose.”

Wes scrunched up his face.

“Really? I think she looks just like you.”

“Nah, there’s definitely some Wes in there,” she replied. Josie let out a little grunt, causing Laurel to smile. “See? She agrees with me!”

Wes grinned, unable to take his eyes off his girls.

“Well, I can’t argue with that now can I?”

–

That night they could see fireworks from their room. Wes moved Laurel’s bed over to the window and the two of them watched side by side on the bed as Josie slept on Laurel’s chest.

She reached down and found Wes’ hand, interlacing their fingers together. He turned his head towards her.

“You ok?”

She was more than ok. For the first time since she could remember she felt completely safe, and it was all because of him. He’d seen her at her most vulnerable, and he stayed. And somehow, he loved her even more.

She simply nodded.

“Thanks for staying.”

He smiled in understanding and planted a kiss on her forehead.

“Always.”


End file.
